Alone Time.

The time when she’s alone,

She thinks a lot,

But never aloud.

The time when she’s alone,

She often works a lot,

But always to avoid introspection.

The time when she’s alone,

She tries to solve her problems,

But is seldom able to come out of the denial.

The time when she’s alone,

She’s rarely optimistic,

But when she is, it isn’t for long.

The time when she’s alone,

All she craves for is someone to love her,

But she’s already built so many walls.

The time when she’s alone,

She always cries a lot,

But never shows her tears.

The time when she’s alone,

She tries to tell herself, “All is well”,

But her heart just laughs at her.

The time when she’s alone,

She truly fears being alone,

But that’s just how it is.

P.S.  tried my hand at poetry for the first time. Had started to write something cheerful and nice, but this is what came out straight from my heart, every word here has been felt first hand.

I am….

We all have so many thoughts all the time, so many diverse feelings. These feelings make up our entire being and that’s who we are. Since I’m going through a phase right now with infinite thoughts and feelings I want to know for myself who I am right now. So, here we go.

I am….

…. Feeling terribly irritated at fate , for not letting me complete my 9fasts this navratra season, and which I so badly wanted to.

…. absolutely elated at having so many people around me who love me and care for me immensely.

…. Thankful for having that one special someone who’s making my life so sweet these days.

…. In a terrible dilemma about my cell phone. It’ll be one complete year for me with my present phone, something new for me, and yet I’m still in love with it. Anddd yet, I still crave for a new one. Hah!

…. extremely miserable about not being able to keep up my reading as it used to be. The feeling of not being able to put down a book without finishing it is being terribly missed.

…. more optimistic than ever, about life in general.

…. desperate for learning crochet perfectly.

…. Getting much less of my usual heavy bouts of crying-over-no-significant-reason. And so many more of laughing hysterically. 😀

…. wishing I had more than 24hours everyday! So much to do, isn’t there?

…. Head-over-heels in love with ballerina flats. Aaah… how can anyone resist them!! ❤

I AM, on the whole, high on life!! 🙂

P.S. i love being so random and so crazy!! 😀

fervour :)

I have just closed my event for the online fest of fervor, 2012. It was an event for blog writing. A wonderful experience 🙂

I absolutely loved all the entries and much more than their writing (which was great, let me tell you), I loved everyone’s spirit! 🙂

Choosing the winners was extremely difficult to me and so I decided not to take the decision by myself.

Here are all the entries that took part 🙂 enjoy reading 🙂

 1)    http://guiltypleasues.blogspot.in/2012/03/s-itting-down-to-write-this-blog-entry.html

2)    http://atravellerinacountrycalledlife.blogspot.in/2012/03/if-impossible-didnt-exist.html 

3)    http://sheepak.blogspot.in/  

4)    http://mythinkcap.blogspot.in/ 

5)    http://sunfunnlove.blogspot.in/2012/03/16.html 

6)    http://soniagupta690.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/my-ideal-day-without-technology/  

7)    http://hchiphophustler.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/how-can-i-drop-my-ego/ 

8)    http://www.leaffrommyonlinediary.blogspot.in/ 

9)    http://apg612.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/my-ideal-day-without-technology/

10)           http://sfest04.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/traditional-marketing-vs-social-media-marketing/

11)           http://daughterloveorcontempt.blogspot.in/2012/03/her-makes-me-smile-sparkle-in-her-eyes.html

12)           http://sheepak1.blogspot.in/

13)           http://divinity-unfolded.blogspot.in/2012/03/daughter-love-or-contempt.html

Change.

Change is what makes this world go round.

Everything around us is changing every second.

Every moment is different from the previous and every moment has the power to change the next moment.

Yet, change is one of my greatest fears.

Yes, I’m scared of change, so scared, in fact, that this fear itself terrifies me from changing even the tiniest bits of my life.

I’m sure most of you would be unable to understand this fear. 

One of my favourite quotes (from Harry Potter6) in this context and a quote which very well explains my fear: – “It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.” – Albus Dumbledore

Death petrifies me, not my own though, and darkness intimidates me to the core.

For general background info, I’m a firm believer in making a strong career before even thinking of settling down. Plus, my mind works a little on the feminist side. Plus, a little overweight.

So these are the three BIG things, on which everything and every thought depends in my life. All these things make a somewhat round-robin schedule in my life. Each one occupies equal portions of my brain. And thoughts of bringing all of these highly significant changes in my life frighten me equally. 

Every day I think of the endless possibilities related to my losing weight. Oh yes they motivate me big time. But still I do not take any concrete step in this direction.

My feminist side doesn’t want me to be dependent on anyone by being in a serious relationship. But the other side wants me to have a steady relationship with the one I want, to have someone to cuddle with, to share all my feelings but then again it would make me dependent. But even if this internal conflict gets resolved for some time, the fear inside me doesn’t permit me to take any action for including that one special person I want in my life. The fear of risking the existing friendship is scary!

The strong desire to make it big in the corporate world makes me want to study very hard, which knowing my potential is not needed that much (self-obsessed, I am *sigh*).  Yet, I don’t work anywhere near even my 50%, however much I want to.

I’ve pondered for a very long time about the reasons for such kind of behavior of mine.
Some years back, I happened to come across an ebook ,titled something like “diva”, which had the same theme as my issue. I realized then, after quite a lot of thinking, that it is the thought of the innumerable changes in my life that is responsible for all this. The fear of the changing future renders me incapable of doing something to turn my life for the better. I’ve been running away from changes since as long as I can remember.

I’m scared of what will happen, I’m scared of breaking out of the mould which has been set for 20yrs now! Coming out of my comfort zone, and getting something I really want seems so out of my imagination that it’s difficult to even take a single step out of this zone, even though I want to do so very badly. I feel that even if one of its tiers is broken out of, I will be able to step out of this entire thing.  

So, lets hope I can DO THIS!!!!!

P.S. This has been the most difficult post ever. This is so because accepting all of this was terribly hard for me. And penning it down even more so. Hence, I haven’t been able to explain my thoughts as well as I wanted to.

Writer’s block.

Yes it was definitely a huge writer’s block that I was suffering from since so many months. And now that this block is going away, I’ve got innumerable thoughts rushing to come out.

All thoughts different from one another, and so I sincerely hope they don’t get muddled up and I’m able to put them on this blog nicely.

The blog entries I’ve posted today are proof of all the overflowing thoughts in my mind. Hopefully, I’ll order them up soon.   

 P.S.Coming back soon my readers!

Blogging.

Blogging is certainly an experience that no reader should miss out on in life.

Yes, I say reader and not writer because every reader, fond of good literature (like me :p ) has too many thoughts, opinions, views on things, and expressing them by putting them on MS word (the bloggers’ paper) feels absolutely amazing!

I, for one, have been thoroughly enjoying the writing process. There are many reasons for this.

Mainly, I get to do a lot of research. That is, a lot of reading.

And I love that.

In the process of reading more and more blogs, I came across some very well written and well presented girls’ fashion blogs. Being a crazy fan of all things girly, I seriously wish to write a fashion blog or I might just convert this one into a fashion blog. But not right now!  

I, particularly liked this one- http://hippiehollysimplesally.blogspot.in/

It’s a wonderfully written blog and they’ve showcased their belongings in an amazing manner.

Not having a dearth of accessories myself, I too have started taking snaps of my own belongings for putting them up online sometime in the future.

RSVP:::::  I haven’t taken permission from the owners of this blog, so if you guys are seeing this and have any kind of problem in me posting your link here, please comment here (repondez s’il vous plait), I would remove this link!

I’m also getting to know a lot of new things about my own self, which of course I’d be putting up here soon. After all, this blog is about I,me,myself.

It also feels great to know that someone, in this world is actually reading what I write. 🙂

P.S. I also made a very significant observation about my writing habits. I add a “P.S.” at the end of every post. It was totally unintentional till now, but now I plan to keep it in every post.