I have the most beautiful people in my life, all around me. They love me immensely. And so do I. Such a loving and caring family. Wonderful friends. An extremely loving special person.
I’m doing fairly well in college.
I’m very happy with my entire makeup haven (heaven?). I absolutely love writing for my new makeup blog (though extremely slow and hesitant in posting).
Yet, I have tears in my eyes. There is a weird hollow feeling inside me, which isn’t even letting me smile.
Am I being greedy? I was never the one to be so greedy and ask for more than all this from God.
What is really going on with me?
I feel lonely. Terribly lonely. Even when I am not alone at all!
This the huge difference between being lonely and being alone. I’m nowhere near being alone. Have so many people around me. I don’t even have the time to be idle. So much work to do. But still there is a loneliness inside, which is eating me, more so every day. Just making me busy with work also doesn’t help. I’ve literally buried myself with work, all taken up and started by moi! To avoid things, to avoid thinking about them, to avoid thinking about my own self and where my life is heading if I carry on like this!
I somehow feel absolutely fed up of pleasing everybody, all the time. This is an entirely different issue though. That would take up an entire post or two by itself.
I feel like running away from everything. And everyone!
I am not the kind of person who keeps cribbing about everything. I absolutely loathe such people who do that. I love to smile, to laugh, to enjoy myself, to love, to live life!! Then, why am I being such a killjoy right now. And that too toward my own life! I don’t understand. Serious introspection is needed here. Sigh.
Maybe a good big break from everything might help. I’m hoping it will.
Or rather, it SHOULD! Since nothing else is working this time. Have tried my favourite stuff already- food, makeup,TV!
Nope, no effect. Zilch.
So, now just cutting myself from things is going to be the next big step.
At least for a week. What say?
I’ll use minimum Internet and phone (as much as is possible).
I’ll wind up work so I don’t have the feeling that I have tons of work pending. And I will take out time for myself, for introspection. Where exactly am I wrong and what is making me feel so hollow.
And yes no doing anything for pleasing others this week.
I won’t take a break from writing definitely. But I wouldn’t post anything (as no internet, na.. dumb!).
So let’s do it!
P.S. maybe I’m just PMSing too much ?? or the horrible rains here that are making me gloomy.:(
P.P.S image taken from google.
P.P.P.S. my thoughts are so terribly muddled up, aren’t they?